When our wedding song comes on he always wants to slow dance and he tears up but I feel nothing. He took me at my word and is full of bitterness. I met a guy you loved me from last 5 years but told me last year . The hardest thing I ever did. I wasnt happy before but now Im down right depressed and I dont think things will ever work put but I cant imagine a life without him in it. He also told me I didnt respect him,appreciate him, and I treated him like a child. I have been dating A good man for over a year and a half. I want him home more. But you need to be able to do some of that at home. This will take time (1-2 years) but very well worth it. In fact, be sure the type of therapy you go to will do exactly that. I just, I dont know if we need to break up, take a break, or work harder. In a love-hate relationship, you love and hate each other with passion. Her attitude changed a lot. He even said that he thought it might upset me, but figured it wouldnt be so bad. Well, the weight came off and she looks and feels fantastic! As you let him or her into your private self, your partner did the same. She is the one doing all that. He was sorry, couldnt imagine life without me, blah blah. "His dad married my mom's best friend. My husband & I married at 19; have 2 beautiful & intelligent daughters who are in their 30s; married & have given us 3 gorgeous grandchildren. They started chatting a bit online, and over the past few months, have become, in my wifes words, best friends. During that time, i became close with a guy. It doesnt add up, I know. I want to be with him but hes not doing anything to gain his trust back. I do not believe this can be accomplished without outside help. Ive been with my fianc 2+ years now & I cheated on him emotionally. Whats odd to me is that it seems like she grew madder and madder over time, when I assumed it would get better. Your reactions are understandable. I hate mind games, bloody hell why?! Please help me Dr. Deb! I think there is some investigating you should do into your deepest self to uncover this stuff because it affected your relationship. To change the person you are, you would have to stop the abusive behavior but also stop the needy and victim feelings that underlie it. Another, which got so serious she stayed with her sister, for over a few months, so she could focus on a relationship with a guy that lived on the other side of the country. He tries to ignore it because he loves me but each time he wants to tell me that Im beautiful it all comes back to him and he gets very angry with me. I give you credit for being able to look at yourself and to admit your errors. I have stepped up to the plate,taking on more than my share of household responsibilities, provided lavish gifts and opened the line of communication because I am no longer blind to the fact and finally aware and want to make this work. After the last relationship ended I stayed like that Not opening myself up to anyone.. Like I was living in protective mode and I planned to stay like that and not to open myself up to a chance to be hurt again. Can I ever trust him again? He has had a hard time forgiving me. However, I thought I should take a break from her in December 2013. My hunch is that it would not be good at all. The way I used to treat him like a king. Anyways, she finally arrived. That is, when nature takes its course and the excitement of first love changes to the more natural state of normal closeness and bonding? What can I do to get her back? Unfortunately with social media, hes brought it to a whole new level. I asked him to respect my decision to give my advice as I feel it was adequate = he said my decisions are shit. (with many racy messages and pics, that linger in my mind) I still loved and missed her so much. Hes a very lost little boy even though hes 42 hes very lost and Im hoping he can be found that he can find himself. Dear Dr, Criticism? Anyways this is what led to this. Then he said he would cut back to quit and that was almost 2 years ago. I decided not to go back to my moms after that (for many reasons, though I will admit he was one of them) and I stayed with family for a few weeks until he convinced me to stay with him and his cousin. It's the one that causes depressed partners to say they're no longer in love and have never loved their partners. As for your job, I agree, you cant quit til you have something else lined up. Hi C We recently just moved across the country together. However I am a cheater. that she didnt like her emotional reaction to the argument and had stopped listening to me and didnt care. Few mins later she showed up at my house. I had a rough childhood that I thought I left in the past, I said some really hurtful things to her and pushed her away. He would break up with me frequently out of nowhere but eventually hed always ask for me back always knowing I will. The problem is that Ive been so hurt so manyttimes that now Im discouraged of trying one more time. She is used to just keeping things inside, and I think she is finally full and its starting to seep out of the cracks. He says he loves me but is t in love with me. I was very confident and happy. We have two girls ages 5 & 9. they have hurt me in the oast and i oulled away from two member of his family until i jus eventually jus cut off all of them. I just dont have it in me to cheat on him though because I cant bring myself to cause him that pain. Hi Amber Hi Erin. Truly blessed. I told him that I definitely would not do what he demanded of me. Prior to that, I came across her FB page and stumped on a picture that resembles same guy that went to us to home Depot last October. From that day forward I changed everything in the way that I support her financially and emotionally. Im trying to get the feelings back? I noticed a change in how he acts and looks at me, so I asked him what was going on. I pray sometimes that maybe God will bring us bs k to one another and that my husband will just be a changed person. He fell for me and i think i have feelings for him too. I hope you would recollect my situation about my ex using ($$) me to her advantage and i have told you how she talked to me irresponsibly?. Being sorry isnt enough. Im now 5 weeks from my due date and he recently said that because of how Ive been acting due to the pregnancy and because this isnt what he wanted at this point, hes falling out of love with me. After all, once you know, you can work within these relationships to maximize your happiness and spiritual growth. He has seen terrible things. I cry every time I speak to him. 3. I have been with my bf for 3 years and next week is our engagement, however, its been week since he told me that he does not have any feelings for me. With my ten year old daughter in the car. Started out when he was about 23 he was in a very bad car accident broke his back in two places was in a come or for three months and he survived and today I or no one would even know how bad he was hurt. I also am interested in how to move through counseling by addressing this with my husband. We were mentally matched. And i tried to do so physically. All of these contradicting feelings can have a negative effect that many of us hate: feeling paralyzed, without . Our relationship was great though, until that night. So I took him back and we began working towards a proper committed relationship, however, it has been almost 3 months since I found out about them and things are so bad. You feed his selfish ego. He has texted me everyday since I moved out about mostly neutral things but hes still making contact. I want to fix this so bad, he is the love of my life, and I do not want to lose this person because he really is an amazing man. We were in a relationship for 3 years and a half. To be clear, there is no particular woman he is seeing, more so texting random women who come on to him to fill a void and prove a point but thats as far as its gone. All Rights Reserved. He let me read there talks and they seemed to be just friends. So we are taking the tough challenge to rebuild. He would react and tell me he believed me. I was cheated on 2x. We have never really fought in our relationship and have always sorted things out when we do have little arguments. We had a huge fight and I told him this was the last straw, we were both becoming distant from each other. Single. The key to a good relationship is being able to put yourself in someone elses shoes BEFORE you do something that you cant undo. Dr. Deb with all this being the case can I prove to him that was not truly me and I can make him happy. So I we shopped for all that. And is it possible for us to fall in love again? Along with random dirty videos from I dont know who and of course pics. She was not like this before she got pregnant. Hello, This is a common scenario: You are sad because your sick puppy died, but happy that he didnt have to suffer anymore. You Think About Them More Than Anyone Else. I went to the doctor to find out for sure and I was. Fast forward all this behavior just builds up and I get to the point where I cant even share my feelings with him because I feel like Im going to be criticized and rejected once again.This was a major problem because Im afraid to communicate my feelings and I feel guilty for that thinking maybe if I did he would try to make a change. Before we got married, there were issues with the kids (ie that due to his work hours I was on my own from 7am until 7pm, and that I couldnt discipline his kids with time out or anything so my daughter is the only child in the house who is discplined and faces consequences for bad choices which in turn impacts on her emotionally) but for all that, I felt that I could trust him implicitly. My husband was very angry that I wouldnt help her. Once you start adding new people, you can have fun and all that, but it doesnt cement a relationship. Bt last month my own cousin brother seduce me and unluckily I had sex with him..as I was very much tensed by this.. And my boyfriend recognised this and I told him everything and now he break up with me He hates me so much.. You can love the fun times youve had; you can love how they made you feel, but you cant possibly love who they are if you call them ignorant, etc. I have seen brief conversation on fb saying that shes not in good terms with her baby father. May I recommend a video on my own website called 3 keys to a spectacular marriage? What can you do? My intention was purely to ditch her but I want too sure enough if I could. Yes, it makes sense but there is no way I could help you w/o actually seeing you and talking this thing through. THIS WOMAN IS OF STRONG CHARACTER AND FREE AS A BIRD BUT I FEEL SOME HOW SHE PERCIEVES ME AS CAGED.. Or have I become so lost, jaded, tarnished and hurt that my mind will not allow me to feel truth. She lied down straight in my bed. He said I didnt get to decide who he loved. Hi Ruqyah 5 days passed and no word. I think that is an excuse. I think your reaction to being betrayed is perfectly normal. This means that it is the perfect opportunity for your date to see what kind of man you really are because if she sees that you can relax, then theres a good chance she will as well. She is a wonderful woman. Any advice as to how I can help him understand why I cant be sexually vulnerable at this time? Some Churches make this mandatory. and i accept my mistake that i have been a brat and lied to him. at the time i was being stupid and i thought i could do anything. I was sitting in the car & my door was open. This other lady is not an issue as she and I are friends and she js currently with her husband in another country. What do I do? Me and my ex were dating for about 5years and 3 months. Thank you so much for hearing and understanding me! After I hurt him too many times, he put up a wall. We live together so see each other everyday and still get on fine for the 5 mins a day we forget about what has happened. instead of getting angry. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.". Of course i never did. He grabbed his phone back and texted her and said nvm and we were like done at the airport I was crying my eyes out and I was so disappointed because he obviously was lying to me. Right now she lives with her babyfather which I know there is 60% chance something is wrong there but Im not concerned much about that. What makes it worse is that from talking to him, there are no signs, or anything. Im so lost. There are many reasons why this can happen, especially if the love came before the abuse. It seems to me you are covered. But lying is a really, really bad one. Four months after his incident, and we are now trying to forgive each other and start a fresh relationship but I still carry resentment. I know this is a case of not realizing what you have until its gone, but I honestly realized what I had when we were together but was regrettably willing to risk it as I was yearning for new life experience while Im young. Thats good you are in therapy. Perhaps she isnt really confused but is afraid to admit to herself the real reason. For example, perhaps you would like to say affirmations every day. I had been letting fear of a nonexistent condition I fabricated in my head rule my life. What do I do? I cried all through the holiday season. I asked if he knew she was here? Sexy = appealing. I love him deeply and genuinely and I know I am partly at fault for him feeling this way (like his needs dont matter, like he never did enough, like I cant accomplish the tasks he sees as so important, etc), but I dont know how to try and start the process of fixing it. Have you noticed differences in his behavior from the first time around? My religious background was teh reason I split up with my EAP in the beginning and he says he would be willing to work at shared values. Its Maria Dr. Deb and I answered your question about how could he have GROWN TO NOT LIKE ME? He was afraid he still had feelings for his ex, and wanted to work through them before we moved further with our relationship. But I dramatically reduced contact with her. Isnt there somewhere that HE can go now? She doesnt like me calling too much and says I should give her space. I cant lose her! Hi, the first 2 months of my relationship with my bf, i like him a lot because he know how to treat a woman, and he is very blunt and direct with what he want and how he feel. Y is that ? :'( my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. I tried to tell him how hurt I was but he felt if he showed me he loved me then I shouldnt worry about his crazy ex. I am slowly getting over him, the last three weeks I have been in such utter despair and pain, memories that break my heart anew every time I remember them. On that one, He was trying to hook up for sex with a woman, 3 months after we started dating. So perhaps it is not love but neediness? Do you have any suggestions or help you can provide? He said he loves her and they tell each other that every day. However in the meantime is insurance that he had was stopped they could not wait a day to get it resolved which he now has it again. You have a heart and soul; everyone does. From my experience there is a lot more going on at home since my husband returned from Iraq. I kiiled what we had, and it was amazing. Good luck with turning that around. Addictions like this start as a way to distract oneself from pain. I forgave her, or so I thought. Ps; he has said he wants a year apart. Researchers in Attachment Theory call this ambivalent or fearful attachment. Oh well. I didnt tell him the truth about it, I just kept saying that it didnt happen. The love trumps the hate. Im trying to be nice every now and then but he gets so sensitive and blows up at the slightest thing i do. "Clean and lose" is bad, but not terrible." Im talking to a girl who says she is emotionally unstable. Im not sure if hes going through an insecure/inadequate/embarrased phase but I dont know how much longer I should give him. Now im depressed and my self esteem have dropped rock bottom. hi, wed been together for 6 yrs, it was not a perfect relationship but we did get through on all of the trials and challenges, i thought we are stronger now because we had been througha lot of rough patches. We talked about and he just wasnt ready, I gave in, I had gotten a divorce from my husband if 13 years. While hes been nothing but open, honest, and loving, I managed to let my past color my view of him, and treated him in a way that would normally be directed toward my exes. He wants to divorce now but i have been fighting back to get back into the relationship with him, to be with my daughter and him.He doesnt have emotionaly feelings for me anymore and it is very painful . My heart says one thing and my mind says another? Ever since we had that fall out hes like a changed man. And it kept bothering me every day. I love this girl with all my heart and I did not mean to hurt her. He of course made lies saying they saved on his phone and that his friend Rick had sent the message. I confronted him about it and the other women. Any fool can fight back. He informed me that he wasnt truly into me at that time and even though he was the first person to say I Love You he admitted that he didnt truly love me until after all the messages to other girls as he realised it was wrong and he wanted to be with me. So I asked him if he wanted to have a video call with me, he declined. Thank you for your time. We made appointment to go lay week Friday but instead she came to my house on Tuesday same week. Dealing with all the details & various pieces of the puzzle that suddenly all falling into place he admitted that it had beef going on 4 years & would still be if I hadnt found out. Doesnt have to be lots but it has to be important. i just wanted to know from the good doctor, I have a problem. Do you charge for skype treatment? Start by what you tell YOURSELF: I am a wonderful person. So when I would get these feelings I would go out and allow myself to get drunk and make out with other dudes. I felt very low and suicidal for my actions). We have been together for almost 4 years and were living together for 2.5. But there's a fine line between "want" and "need," and when the "need" outweighs the "want," you have a . I feel the same. What I saw that day was blatant & intense jealousy on my husbands part. You may be saving (emotionally) 4 lives. We have built a good life as a family. Needless to say we dont get along, but my fianc say has now brought up the issue that I dont show him enough affection so he drinks and takes off. According to experts, it's totally possible to fall back in love with someone you used to date, and the reason why makes sense. Some people are on the other end of the spectrum. Why wouldnt you want shared custody? I think the whole problem is that I am not patient enough and am constantly checking in with her too see if progress is being made. Could you please reply to my post from Sept 20? He tends to not see his fault in things and blames me for our issues. I dont want to ruin a good thing but I also dont want to be unfair. Consider the bright side. He needs professional help as well as AA meetings. For an inexpensive solution, perhaps you would like to read my book which is available on Amazon The Healing Is Mutual. So Im 33 and havent had many experiences with relationships. 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