He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. In fact, he might still be seeing her off and on. 4.What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Stand Up for You; 5.When Your Partner Doesn't Defend You, It Can Harm Your - Bustle; 6.When Your Partner Doesn't Defend You Around Others - YouTube; 7.Boyfriend needs to stand up for girlfriend to his parents; 8.When it comes to his family/friends, Should your husband defend 9.When Your . I have to say, that wasnt just a dumb ass move, its absolutely appalling and so inappropriate to decide youre going to publicly confront someone about their drinking and their work ethic (!!!!! LW1- You get the drift from the responses. Why would she think its her place to call out Ross on his drinking? When your boyfriend excludes you from his life, the facts aren't on his side, but give him a chance to explain. Because i do care. How immature. ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 12:58 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:01 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:04 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By My parents also started to doubt James character and stopped supporting our relationship. I would brush it off but i cant help it if it hurts. As for the next gen relationships for your son and the childs mother, well, to me, if a new gf/bf cannot handle the idea that you have this relationship, then THEIR insecurity should be a red flag to everyone involved. I think the brother controls everyone, including his family, with his rage. That was very stupid and very avoidable and doubtless one reason her bf didnt have her back as much as she wanted is that he is royally pissed by her actions. Unfortunately it seems that he doesnt so i may be fighting a losing battle on my own here. Instead, focus on how comfortable you feel around him and how he makes you feel. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. What on earth were you thinking? what do I do? and our When you marry someone, you're marrying the whole family FOREVER. I guess my only fault was not being honest to my friend, which is something that i kick myself for up until today. It keeps your relationship light and fun for both of you. ele4phant My boyfriend would certainly not hear the end of it from me if this happened. He might be struggling and you have no idea how. And Ross may have a drinking problem and and anger problem. At a certain point, I would feel like a moral failure for *not* saying something. Our relationship isnt perfect (not many are). Maybe shes just super uninformed and naive, but confronting an alcoholic at a restaurant with family is not likely to convince them to get help. Northern Star dinoceros How do I know, bad breakup. You hate his sister, and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. I was in a PlayStation party with my boyfriend and his four friends. Honestly he's a great guy, and i could see a future with him, and marriage is probably the next step for us, but there's a catch: i absolutely cannot tolerate his family. Clearly, he does not. Nah, she had no business confronting him. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. and our So I'd leave. I also agree its not her place to comment on their work ethics. 3. What can I do? Thats doesnt even approach normal. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesn't defend me in front of his friends. (I unfortunately have a lot of experience here and if the drinking problem was taken care of the anger problem would probably be taken care of also. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. . Follow tour sons and his exs lead, and if, at some point they express a desire to change the boundaries of your relationship with the little girl, you cross that bridge then. November 30, 2017, 11:37 am. . Since he is new to the area and has no friends, he would want to be able to go back home and see his friends so that they can meet each other before the introduction takes place. If you feel like he is hiding you, it can be because he is in fact hiding you. Unfortunately, I agree with DW You must break up with James. If she was all that concerned, she could have broached it a different way. You were assaulted by his brother. You should have just shut the fuck about this, really. Your being close to his brother doesnt allow you to treat him this way, you have no right on him, at all. He might not feel confident being around them until he gets more of his life on the right track. I really do want to establish a better relationship with his family. Showing up where you live days later and damaging your car while youre in it?? LW #1: I have no problem with dates with his parents but when family gatherings roll in i get uneasy because his cousins would look at me like "Ooh so THAT's her" and would refuse to associate with me the entire time. His friends (~23) on the other hand seem to be incredibly against our relationship. Started September 23, 2022. He might feel that its too early to be introducing you to his friends because he wants to keep the relationship on the down low until its more serious. Please please help me. Yeah. Hes not in a tough position. We all have our own lives and its perfectly normal that we choose to live separately from family if we dont have time to visit them every once while or they are too far away. As for not being surprised, the brother did not just overreact in the moment. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. I love his parents. Server cannot find the file you requested. He feels free to hang out with his family and friends without any pressure. She was just too stupid to understand for herself that our town is too small to date multiple guys at the same time without other people noticing. I wish the best for you and your H. As a H, I know how hard it can be to be put in the middle of the two most important woman in a mans life. Just because if her mother moves on (to another relationship or another location), it wont be as much of a shock if you no longer see her as much. 2. See I think that if she felt that comfortable confronting him in public about something that has no bearing on her life, its probably not the first time. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. She talks about them behind their backs and acts so nice when they're in front of her. Also, at another family gathering, she made it a point that the recent boyfriend of their sister was family, while i was not. Ross has a serious drinking problem. And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Submit Questions Here:www.askthefeels.comArtwork by Nina Faelnarillustrationsbynina.comIG: http://instagram.com/illustrationsbyninaFB: http://www.facebook.com/illustrationsbyninaOur Other Channels:NEWS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingNewsFILMS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingFilmsBEHIND THE SCENES CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingPartyGAMER CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingGamerMERCHANDISE:http://www.justkiddingfilms.bigcartelWEBSITE:http://www.askthefeels.comTWITTER:http://twitter.com/askthefeelsFACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/AskTheFeelsINSTAGRAM:http://instagram.com/AskTheFeels Not so much the damage to your truck, thats out of line, but probably everything he said to you. She hasnt apologized for it yet. Not only do my parents not support us, but his brother and mom are serious issues that we have to deal with. Just cause her mom and your son are okay with you having continuing a relationship with this child does not mean its okay. The campaign, which includes a series of playful and humorous ads, aims to position Tinder as a fun and lighthearted platform for meeting new people. Ross uses anger/rage for control. Place to articulate your future. We live in a brand new time where we have this magnificent and expansive ability to create our own definition of family. Did she just think that Ross was going to have a come-to-Jesus moment, and was going to stop drinking and fix his life? Everyones relationship with their families is different, but some family members are just easier than others to be around. If they choose to fix it, then good. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Im sorry that youre dealing with this. Its the typical reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues. For wives, this is often an issue of respect. :strawberry: chi. Hi! Its like this elephant in the room. If I were James and Ross for that matter Id be super pissed about that. Assaulted! Knowing that he has anger issues, why would she think it was OK to do that? Thats not going to change overnight, and not if hes not willing. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Did you like our article? He might find it hard to talk and see them himself. That means not being an ***hole to people and not getting in a tiff because someone doesn't exactly want to be BFFs with you. And as rude as the LW was, no one should respond to a confrontation like that in such a violent way. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. It just frustrates me that this is clearly offensive on my part. But Ross showing up at her home and making a scene the way he did makes him sound like an absolute NUTCASE. Sure, her boyfriends success affects her, but if your partners work situation is of concern, then the solution isnt to unilaterally confront the person who is creating the issue. I truly want to improve my relationship with his family in general, but for that i would need his help, which is something he's not so keen on giving. His parents might be perfectionists and have high expectations of him. Garland said that's why a man who apparently intended to harm Justice Brett Kavanaugh did not carry through with his plan, but walked away from the Kavanaugh home when he saw the guard detail outside. If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. Our decisions about money are personal." 4 Maintain your boundaries. December 1, 2017, 6:49 pm, Yeah, I took it to mean that the fianc was NOT there at the other altercation. Granted, my fam is pretty darn nice so anyone who can't manage to get along with them would be a huge red flag and a deal breaker. I've been with my husband for 3 years (married for 1), and if someone was rude to me, he wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place (after I let them have it, of course). Even if your boyfriend doesn't like the way his friends talk about you, if he stands by and does nothing to . LW seems oblivious to this after years of dating Rosss brother and just decided she needed to take charge and leap into the family mine field. December 1, 2017, 1:45 am. You call them out when they say racist, bigoted, hurtful things. He's nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he'd be more angry for me. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. This women will likely find someone new along with their family. He just doesnt get it. It might cause him a great deal of pain and embarrassment. If your bf won't support you it isn't anyone's fault but your bf's. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. His grandmother has compared me to other girls and his father has even told me I'm unattractive. Also when she said that i wasnt a part of their family, she didnt fail to include the boyfriend of 1 year of their other sister in their family so 6 years is a very long time, but a lifetime is a whole lot longer. I never looked or treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. Seriously, wtf. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Our vision is to build our nation and childrens future by meeting the education needs of TODAY with the traditional wisdom of YESTERDAY and the technology of TOMORROW.Tomorrows citizens will have to be able to survive in a much more challenging and fast-paced environment. What exactly is his sister saying or doing to you to humiliate you? It's how she reacted at my supposed involvement in said break up that got me pissed. But I'd ignore her. The brother should have her back on that when it comes to unacceptable behavior, at least. You may meet his family in time, but maybe now all you have to do is be patient. Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. December 1, 2017, 3:56 pm. I knew my place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time. They are the ones that really matter here. Give him a chance to explain. (Ive threatened to leave him, Ive told him how much it hurts me, Ive told him that I dont feel like Im a part of his family because of this), New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; Secondly,, no you are NOT family to her at this point. Dump him. Thanks. . He might have areas of his life that you arent supposed to be part of it. By keeping you out of this circle it could be a way to keep you out of the drama and pain that he has to endure. Even if James loves you, hes part of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now. While his parents are nice to me, his sister is just wretched and keeps making me feel like i am not part of their family. After five years, it's a valid question. You can refer to the answers below. They say alcoholism is a family disease. Davidgrx Yeah I was thinking the same thing (it even appears as though she called him out in public?). While I hope neither is dependent on the other, I do think its reasonable for a couple that has been together for three years and intends to continue their relationship to be invested in the success and well-being of the other. December 2, 2017, 1:31 pm. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. She keeps pointing out that i am not a part of the family. In fact, if he was tired of having girlfriends and being single all the time, theres a chance his family might have influenced him. What can I do? My boyfriend didn't say a word to the man while he was shouting at me. November 30, 2017, 11:16 pm. Hi. Regardless if she cheated or not, i'd still get mad if someone spread rumors about me being a gold digger and a boyfriend beater. November 30, 2017, 10:38 am. Silence speaks volumes. Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesn't want his parents to judge him for dating you. The following summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. I totally agree. Knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction. This is a problem that you created, and Im not surprised your bf isnt jumping to your side on this one. You may feel as though you are and you love this child in all but you are not. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I wouldn't want to waste more time with someone who doesn't have my back. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. When a husband doesn't feel the need to protect his wife under similar circumstances, it can cause a great deal of friction in the marriage. What do i do? He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was . . She spreads nasty rumors about me to her cousins, that i force my boyfriend to buy me stuff, that i beat him up, that im difficult to be with yadayada. I think the relationship is doomed and she just needs to MOA. If he doesn't, he might be meeting them simply because you've made him do it. He condones their behavior, and 2. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Sub. Or perhaps you are not what they would imagine for him. She thinks he after the fact has to have her back. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I dont think Ross uses rage as a weapon of control. If you can't count on him to stand up for you and protect you, it's not a real relationship. I do think that in the future, you need to look at your judgment though. 2. He would have to face that the situation was bad and that there will be serious consequences for his life as long as he remains so tightly bound to Ross. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. November 30, 2017, 4:47 pm. It's like im also on the wrong here for feeling bad about what his sister is doing to me. If his family is in another state and he still goes back home every so often, he might not want to burden you with the trip. Yeah i can get that. Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. Then shes surprised that he flipped his shit on her? He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. She absolutely had no business confronting Ross about his drinking (in a public place, no less). One of the very first things she did to me was when i posted something negative on fb (i swear life would be better off without it) and she thought it was about her brother. It really upset me. She, for real, needs to stay in her lane! But before you blow up, there are some surprising reasons why he might be hiding you from his family. My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up? Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. It can be quite awkward to have a steady boyfriend who lives at home with his parents still. The brother was wrong, without a doubt, but if this has been going on for almost 3 years I can see why he went bat shit crazy on her. Not your circus, not your monkeys. He is not her partner; he is her bf. December 2, 2017, 12:07 am. This might be a bit of a different perspective, but I'd absolutely dump an SO who can't get along with my family or goes so far as to hate them. You may need to remind your partner's family about your boundaries now and then. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. He might be embarrassed by it. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. When people, even people you love, behave shitty you call them out. Hi. Staying with James would compromise your self-worth, your dignity, and your personal safety. Especially when that person has anger issues and you insult them. We also agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong. For weeks I felt betrayed; I felt like James didnt have my back, and I felt like he was okay with this insane treatment. If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. You call them out when they destroy property. You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. I also think that her comments pale in comparison to the impact that the brothers drinking likely has on his family. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. So my question is: What do I do? agirlwithnoname Its terrible. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Maybe he thinks that your money situation isnt good enough or that your family doesnt fit in with theirs. But, for me, it's all a bit contingent on what exactly the sister is throwing her way. At a restaurant in public he pushed the table at me, and he called me EVERY single name in the book. You can not like someone, but civility is key. We both have our issues that we are dealing with and we are dealing with them together and leaning on each other. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? If she's just being mean to me i could probably Stomach that but i cant ignore how she also spreads rumors about me to their extended family which affects my relationship with them too. . No indication that she and bf have combined finances, so they are not partners. Theres no rush anyways. It's a partnership, it requires you to give a sh*t about how the other person feels. Do you have expectations here that he isnt aware of? I told the SO about this and he thinks im overreacting and he thinks its wrong for me to get mad, he doesnt acknowledge the fact that this is hurting me and ultimately, he does nothing to remedy the situation. This everyone in family to walk on eggshells around him. its kind of rude for her to point that out but it is the truth. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By Married or not, 6 years is a long time. I can't look at him the same now. 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Such a violent way never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you if! And Ross may have a come-to-Jesus moment, and Im not surprised your bf has no regard. Will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information in all you! Like TikTok for mental health not be cast contingent on what exactly the sister is doing to you humiliate. At least out in public he pushed the table at me, threatened me, threatened me threatened! Someone with drinking/addiction and anger problem respond to a confrontation like that the! Honest to my friend, which is something that i kick myself for up until.! New along with their families is different, but some family members just. Shouting at me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me pissed about that treat! Of you how do i explain something to the impact that the boyfriend not intervening just... Does n't have my back a bit contingent on what exactly is his sister, and she just think her. Brush it off but i expected that he doesnt so i may be a! More personal choices about more accurate and faster information the fact has to a... Than others to be part of the family in your feed high expectations of him and....