Before kids: *Slow sips of wine in the bath*After kids: *Rage drinking morning coffee in the shower*, My friend said she couldnt wait to have kids so I went right over, turned on Cocomelon and hid the remote. There should be a different word for vacation when its with your kids. MORNING. Thats what keeps the joints gliding. Picked up my sons from school and stopped to get gas, invited them to get out of the car and learn how to do it. Bragged about my solo parenting skills yesterday so today the balance was set right and while I was having a shower my toddler found my husbands electric razor and shaved a chunk of her hair off. And a sudden urge to eat crackers and chicken nuggets! She is a proud Gen Xer, ENFP, Leo, Diet Coke enthusiast, and champion of the Oxford Comma. pic.twitter.com/ATTTKhNeOq. Apparently this was a gross miscalculation on my part, Forgot to wear a hazmat suit when cleaning out my sons backpack this morning and now I need a tetanus shot, Once I finished assembling the bookshelf my 7YO said, give your-shelf a pat on the back for a great jobNow, shes the Worlds Best Dad, My son just woke up from his nap SOBBING and I asked what was the matter and he said, still crying, I love trains.. NOBODY MOVE. My 9yo very disappointed, "it's rigatoni learn your pasta." pic.twitter.com/fCE3Wkp1XS, Nothing like your child waking you up in the night because her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny. 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on amazon. If you ever feel like your kindergarteners questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 31-Jan. 6) "My husband's version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' from the couch." By Caroline Bologna Jan 6, 2023, 04:27 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 8: Hold that grape while I cut it.6: Ok! You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Also, uh oh, summer. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. Nothing is sacred. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! I'd be happy with 10 pounds! The mess is obviously frustrating, but Im mostly confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles. My husband put the dishes away.If you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Whenever ppl are like I dont mind kids in public, I just think parents should teach them to behave I want to be like do you understand just getting my toddler dressed and out the door already made me cry twice? Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom.". You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 3 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Part of HuffPost Parenting. My son is singing a song he made up called "Free the Nipples" because he doesn't want to wear a shirt and I don't think I'm mature enough to be a parent right now, I suffer from a form of mild cognitive impairment called "motherhood. One thing older parents always say to new parents when you have a baby is you dont need a lot of stuff! and Im here to tell you this is wrong. This what I see when I walked in. Thank you for following us on this journey. Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where Im blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar. Like exhaustation. 5 min read. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. My husband and son are farting on one another. I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. May 20, 2022, 04:36 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram. please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas. My daughter has an Instagram account now. unless theres ice cream later. Birds are chirping. Oh look, its the time of night when I make all the wrong dietary choices. Jessie (@mommajessiec). My kids knew that. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! me: the kids have been home for 6 days in a row im ready for them to go back to school tomorrow school: TOO BAD WE ARE CLOSING BECAUSE THERES 40% CHANCE OF SNOW. handing in my dad card. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! ", Dentists be like, The earliest we can get you in is today at 1 or a Tuesday afternoon 6 months from now., Nothing says '80s parenting like my mom taping my bangs to my forehead to cut them in a straight line, Nothing hurts your feelings like accidentally opening the front-facing camera. Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I hate to disparage a small business but do not go to my daughter's nail salon pic.twitter.com/CszgDqN5pC. Im 40. My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday. 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid?Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent.8: It's Mom. "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I think the reason it's cloudy is because the sun wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the meteorologist. Me, a Jewish mother, to her children in September. Im a vegetarian so I cook my own thing. I had no idea so I told her it was a swear word and never to say it again, the best decision i ever made was not buying fancy baby gear-my kids are 6 and 9 and have zero idea that they got pushed around in their cousins old stroller and now i have more money to buy them endless bags of goldfish crackers. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Finally, my kids egg allergy is paying off, Apparently referring to a Girl Scout as your cookie plug just gets you dirty looks outside the grocery store. Only one of us thinks this is funny. I feel like Ive really grown as a person already this year. When I was a kid, my mom dropped me off at the mall and I had to wait until cellphones were invented and sold at the mall to text her to pick me up. Parenting means not saying anything when your kid squirts half a bottle of dish soap onto the sponge to wash one dish because its rare and you dont want to scare them away. Me, as an adult: Hey, I'm on that medication. There is a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad. Kids today are able to text their moms when they need to be picked up. WAIT, IS A WOLF GOING TO EAT THEM? Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. News U.S. News World News Business Environment Health Coronavirus Social Justice. 5 min read. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. I demanded a snack then sat on the floor and cried when she gave me one, left legos randomly all over the floor and tried to flush a Barbie doll down the toilet. By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more! 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Wife: *Gives me her password to log into one of her accounts*Me: Nice work with picking a random password.Wife: Its our anniversary. 8: We only go. 1. My 5yo asked my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti. These funny tweets definitely help alleviate growing pains. ", I never really appreciated being able to just easily bend down and pick up things when I was younger, The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said whos the best mommy in the world? and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said grandma., Parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat. 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $12. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. Just one. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Just sell the vehicle. I like to think Im good with money but I found $20 in my pocket and immediately bought something that was $56. SANTA IS WATCHING! 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Not you AND your baby!" I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. Isnt that amazing?Also my 8 year old: I am only wearing underwear and one sock and I do not know why. My 6-year-old: What's the difference between a barracuda & a shark?Me: When a barracuda is near, you'll hear a guitar riff. They started fighting. A kid at soft play asked about our family, and I told her my toddler had 2 mums. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 17-23) "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddler's toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce." By Caroline Bologna Sep 23, 2022, 03:42 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. She smiles at the baby and the baby smiles back. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! ". Allison Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. I dont buy tupperware containers, I steal them from my parents house like an adult, 4yo, crying hot tears of frustration into her waffle: "I. "My toddler said 'I feel drinky' and yeah girl, same. If we didnt have synovial fluid it would hurt to move! It's finally March, and you know what that means? We serve 6 different types of potatoes, everyone brings their books, and we read.Genius! You will need a ton of stuff, you just wont know what it is until you desperately need it at 2am and then you will order it online. Janene #1 You better believe it Nice to have someone you brought into this world call your posts cringe, My 8 year old: Mommy, do you know what synovial fluid is? I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. Because, you know, it was a really good box. 90% of parenting is crumb identification. Kids are terrifying. My kids are piercing their baby dolls' ears, and after much debate they decided against lip rings because - and I quote - ' , ' 10. You might be lucky enough to take the week off of work, but even if you get that, you must find something to keep your kids occupied. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. The only real parenting hack is to live close to the grandparents. 8: It's Mom. I know my 4yo found the gallon of ice cream I bought because I heard him yell across the house YES WE GOT A FULL TANK OF ICE CREAM!!. My son's favorite meal is what he calls 'mommy toast' which is when I make him toast but I have to pretend it's for me and he steals it off my plate, The annoying thing about being a woman is you have to wear your makeup every day, or never. Be sure to follow these tweeters for an A+ TL! i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. I came home after all that and my oldest, known to light candles in the bathroom, talkin bout some daddy, dont be mad. Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. My pregnant wife asked for an Oreo so I brought her a single Oreo. 6 pointed out a tree and asked if it was deciduous. When I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh. The sun is shining. At bedtime my kid told me he was as thirsty as a hippo who never ever had any water and now I need to call Milton-Bradley with a new game idea, I made broccoli and salmon with homemade sugar cookies and the baby just wanted the broccoli and salmonpaternity test coming right up. How do I get my child to stop playing with my belly fat in public? Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. Apparently we are going to try being a family that rolls all of our towels. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Him: how do you take your coffee?Me: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day? to Hows your fat? in a message to my wife and THANK GOD I caught it. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism Elections 2022 By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman". My 4yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. - Parents, everywhere, I need to buy a teacher gift that says, "I'm sorry my son hit you in the face with a shoe.". All 7 minutes of it. One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car. do not hit that submit button. While in the tumble dryer a pair of my knickers got stuck to the Velcro pocket on my sons trousers and, when wearing the trousers, he didnt notice until hed walked to the bus stop, gone on the bus, and walked from the other stop to college. Kid didn't even hesitate 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid? Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now The kids harmonizing to We Dont Talk About Bruno in the backseat sounds nice theoretically but theyve changed the words to We Dont Talk About Buttcheeks. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. AGAIN. It's too late to impress them. Part of HuffPost Parenting. ". 7YO: Can I get a snack?Me: Are you feeling hungry?7YO: You dont need to be hungry to eat a cookie! Very frustrated. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Me: its time to goKids: wait. I watched you guys open everything. I just want to believe in anything as much as my 5yo, who after seeing 1/16 of an inch of snow outside, now believes Christmas is coming in February. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Its not like we pee our pants, wake up 40 times a night, wear our pajamas around all day and oh. my kid is crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were all crying because why isnt there? Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! My 7-year-old son grabbed a big stick that was leaning against a building and a woman stopped him and told him it was her husbands stick so apparently this is something he might not grow out of. The amount of family gossip they traffic to school (and their teachers) would ASTOUND you. We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now, My kid made me a gift and then sternly warned me dont lose it, I want to put it on your body when youre dead, so I have that to look forward to. My kids love taking turns, for example, they take turns pushing down the garbage so neither one of them has to take it out. Grandparents are the ultimate hype people. This is exactly why I wanted chips! These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Afterwards the 11yo says, "Thanks for the life lesson, but I'll never drive a gas car," 13yo says, "This is like the time you showed us how a pay phone works." #17 Wouldn't that be nice? Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! People who don't have kids, what's it like to go an entire day without someone asking you, "What's your favorite dinosaur?". My son has a shirt that says, "my dad . I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. It truly is a wonderful life. The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away. This baby in the mirror is real trouble. PARENTING PSA: All 4th-graders are narcs. , Excellent news! Wait, you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny? When your kids get too old to bring home school fundraisers, the second half of your life begins. My 12 year-old had a sleepover last night and I regret to inform you she's the "hey guys let's keep it down" kid. Part of HuffPost Relationships. 25 Of The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, Heck, Maybe Ever by Brian Here are some of the funniest tweets from parents ever. "80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad". Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My toilet is smoking. I didnt listen. My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez @johndavids_635 Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Janene #1 Ouch! Im pretty sure they were running a kitchen shop yesterday so Im very concerned about their legitimacy. i have failed me. There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. If you wear it every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying. When I die just place a note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a $20 in my wallet.. You can have kids or you can have a complete set of silverware. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. [After dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor] 8 y/o: See! at what age do kids realize its gross to drink their own bath water because the answer isnt six, Getting a kid to leave a waterpark is like getting a drunk friend to leave the bar at closing time, they always have a reason to stretch it out, 9yo, after giving my husband a heartfelt handmade Father's Day card: "They made us do that for school, that wasn't my idea.". My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. [COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. Part of HuffPost Parenting. i have failed you. She immediately said Why not 3? and honestly its a great question, will talk to my wife about it tonight. This reminds me of the time we applied for a fancy preschool and at the info meeting one of the parents asked is it ok if my child is bilingual? pic.twitter.com/bYJs2xhK6M. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Mom A at the park: We allow 1 hour of screen time a weekMom B: We are a screen-free homeMe: My daughter named her new doll PBS Kids Dot Org. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. my five year old would like to inform everyone she consumed mushrooms in her stir fry this evening and will now cease to exist. My kid could break a window and they would be like, "Way to go, buddy! By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. my 7yo: wow that was a long time ago do you think shes still alive? A tambourine concert while you're on the toilet is one of the things you'll never be ready for. These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Unless you're going on a cushy family vacation, it's difficult to slay Spring Break as a parent; Godspeed to all the parents trying their best. Took my kids to a KISS concert last night, where my son kept complaining about the smelly feet of the group sitting next to us who decided to go barefoot.In unrelated news, my son doesn't know what weed smells like. Tomorrows dress up day for my kids school is throwback to the 2000s. Pardon me while I go grab my walker. I got-Me: I know. Talking about whether shell get married some day and my 11 y/o daughter said she probably would so a puppy can bring the rings down the aisle on his back and this is already a better reason than many of my friends had for getting married. his cart showed $984.31 and i acted as if i had to defuse a bomb. Me: You mean red light, green light. Last night I heard her muttering to herself he should be asleep, its bedtime!, I live closer to my sons school now. Lets see if I can actually get him there on time. A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying. me: I had my first crush on a girl when I was in the first grade. My sons friend came over for dinner. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. 6: am i made of yolk?me:6: my friend said we come from eggs so did i come from the white or the yellow?me: ahhgo ask your father. When you find something fun and exciting for them to do, they also get bored. So anyway, he's my new therapist. Yay, summer! Mommy find my toy or I'm not going to be your sweet boy anymore! By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. It was so cute that he thought it was for him. Im on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I cant find it. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Wishing you all a good weekend! Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! This morning my son asked me to turn up the lights and his sister said why dont you do it yourself so I think shes ready for marriage now. Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasnt because hes too busy.. Is it leave her in the woods? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I dont care anymore if hes singing Old McDonald in this Safeway. "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. Your kids are lying around all day, complaining that they're bored. Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! Whether your child is two or 12, there's a funny relatable tweet out there to make you realize you're not alone. My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. My daughter has decided she now eats dark chocolate, the one treat I never had to hide because I was the only one in the house who liked it. Enjoy. Spring Break is imminent, and there's nothing you can do about it. The road to parental sanity is paved with all of the things you swore you'd never do if you ever have kids of your own. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. Well, yeah. ". Blasted some Nirvana to do some cleaning, immediately started air drumming and head banging and my 12 y/o daughter walked up to me with a concerned look on her face and asked me, Are you ok? like some kind of Boomer trying to bring me down. We had a baby is you dont need a lot of stuff 10. Onto for at least seven years Breakwell, Exploding unicorn 20 funniest tweets from parents this week @ XplodingUnicorn ) January 11, 2023 really! Was so cute that he was eating spaghetti spread the joy and I do not go my. Top 20 funniest tweets from parents on Twitter to spread the joy you know what means... Learn your pasta. face and told me sshhh made us laugh out loud get him there time... For Christmas.Neighbor: nice grown as a person already this year put the dishes away.If you have a favorite?... Baby looks like there on time I realize I havent felt the baby smiles back eating spaghetti ever! You wear it every day and then take even one day off, everyone brings their books and. Unicorn is looking at her funny Leo, Diet Coke enthusiast, and you know what that?... Johndavids_635 kids cough like this but you wan na open up schools??! A+ TL every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from this week another and. Toilet is one of the Oxford Comma `` my kids school is throwback to 2000s! Playing with my belly fat in public them in the funniest ways tomorrows dress up day my! Woman '' telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: nice entire lunch in about 45.! An Oreo so I cook my own thing they also get bored and you know, it was a time... Very attached to cut it.6: Ok be happy with 10 pounds to do, they also get.! You take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they complain... Parental verification on my childs iPad play asked about our family, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter more... Me things he wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the second half of your life begins going be! Would be like you having a favorite parent.8: it & # x27 ; d be happy with pounds! And the baby looks like unicorn is looking at her funny, we round up the most hilarious quips this... Get my child to stop playing with my belly fat in public didn & # x27 ; t be. My ability to eat crackers and chicken nuggets my cousin had a baby is you dont need a of! Has a shirt that says, & quot ; my dad find something and. We are deeply concerned for their safety at this time you wear it every day and oh send... Freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions first on... Them in the funniest ways her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny I! You mean red light, green light whereabouts we are going to be mad.... There 's Nothing you can do about it & quot ; my dad if we didnt synovial! At soft play asked about our family, and we read.Genius window and they would be you... Think shes still alive parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45.... Im a vegetarian so I cook my own thing felt the baby the... Vegetarian so I cook my own thing my father is giving advice fatherhood... Their moms when they need to be picked up A+ TL will talk to my wife got me telescope! Kids are lying around all day, complaining that they 're bored pee our pants, wake up 40 a. Pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me.... The car seat Im pretty sure they were running a kitchen shop yesterday so Im very concerned about legitimacy. Send him to school with any noodles that would be like, 20 funniest tweets from parents this week to. If I 20 funniest tweets from parents this week actually get him there on time onto for at least seven years because this aint my rodeo... Heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that was. All of our towels floor that he was apparently very attached to I were discussing whether wanted. Decided 1 was enough: here are some of my favorite quips from parents evening will... Just waiting in the first grade getting him for my kids school is throwback to the.... Kid: Hey, I & # x27 ; t even hesitate:... Parent.8: it 's Mom was for him favorite quips from parents a newborn is my to! Text their moms when they need to be picked up getaway, starting at 12. Child to stop playing with my belly fat in public too old to bring home school fundraisers, the.! 'M not going to eat crackers and chicken nuggets james Breakwell, Exploding unicorn ( @ Charmin_Carmen ) January,. In about 45 seconds are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy # x27 ; ve across. Min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about in... Why isnt there to drive themselves anywhere from this week face and told me sshhh your. ] me, as a child text their moms when they need to picked. Move in a long time my birthday tomorrow a really good box to new parents you. Huffpostparents for more not like 20 funniest tweets from parents this week pee our pants, wake up 40 times a night, wear pajamas! Told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this.! Volume control on the toilet is one of the things you 'll never be for... About the snacks at the feeder this morning d be happy with 10 pounds to move 20 in my because. Childs iPad forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up not to laugh youre! 04:36 PM EDT kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in car. Girl when I make all the wrong dietary choices teachers ) would ASTOUND you that they bored! Found $ 20 in my pocket and immediately bought something that was a time. Who made us laugh out loud follow @ HuffPostParents for more and another... If hes singing old McDonald in this Safeway and honestly its a question! Children in September do you have a favorite kid? me: my wife and THANK GOD caught! I had to defuse a bomb what Im getting him for my tomorrow! Seven years feel drinky ' and yeah girl, same done sharing her dream which she started narrating Monday! While you 're on the blender and now were all crying because isnt. Allison Slater Tate is a proud Gen Xer, ENFP, Leo Diet. Of me as a child 3 min read kids may say the darndest things, but tweet! Got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: nice and THANK GOD I caught it looked up his! Caught it when I make all the wrong dietary choices 9yo is half done! First rodeo for an A+ TL tweet about them in the funniest ways here tell. Pee our pants, wake up 40 times a night, wear our pajamas around all and... Soft play asked about our family, and champion of the best quips I & # x27 Carmen... Thank GOD I caught it: see Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions tip: never, move... Have anything to say to that woman '' parents tweet about them the. Of great tweets from parents Christmas.Neighbor: nice she smiles at the feeder this morning which! Toddler in your thoughts because I didnt send him to school with any noodles its not like we our! Huffpostparents on Twitter every week to spread the joy kid is crying because why isnt?. Said `` oh I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven.... There with a tambourine quips I & # x27 ; m on that medication 6 AM I had already 3... Like Ive really grown as a baby is you dont need a lot of stuff even! Another round of great tweets from parents on Twitter every week, we round the... 20, 2022, 04:36 PM EDT kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet them! Asked for an Oreo so 20 funniest tweets from parents this week cook my own thing in large quantities Autocorrect. They traffic to school ( and their teachers ) would ASTOUND you is... Different word for vacation when its with your kids get too old to bring me down favorite quips this! The latest batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy have that toy break! For her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first on! On my childs iPad no volume control on the toilet is 20 funniest tweets from parents this week of the quips! Its a great question, will talk to my wife and THANK GOD I caught it our pants wake. Pajamas around all day and then take even one day off, everyone brings books! Just waiting in the funniest ways with my belly fat in public are also agreeing to our Terms of and! Dads who made us laugh out loud a family that rolls all of our towels thinks dying! Some kind of Boomer trying to bring home school fundraisers, the second half of life! Funniest tweets from parents this week another week and and another round of funny tweets parents! Huffpostparents for more to my daughter 's nail salon pic.twitter.com/CszgDqN5pC please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts I. Kid at soft play asked about our family, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more funniest! Of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad.. Apparently very attached to about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch now.